I have the not-so fun, even dubious distinction of advising readers of a heart attack which Uncle Zap recently experienced. Between the mantles of responsibility carried, the gentleman quitting smoking, and the full gauntlet of working through all the world’s concerns at his door, yes the man had a heart attack. Last Friday as it turns out, Zap and I were out over some birthday celebrations and during a motion picture, in a local movie theatre, Zap had a coronary event called a heart attack.
He has since been fully examined in one of our fine Canadian hospitals Sunday night *wink *wink…and it was determined that while still serious, his heart attack may have had some minor damage done to it none the less. One source tells me that after people have recently quit smoking, like Zap just has after such a long extended period of time, that these kinds of events are quite normal, and yes it happened.
Zap has been resting mostly over the last few days and unfortunately his breathing has become quite labored of late and he does need some assistance in bringing those conditions to an end.
To help keep the reports going and the health of the man stable, which we all pray continue praying for of course, I am now kindly asking for your help and assistance monetarily in seeing the needed support and alternative therapies implemented on Zap’s behalf straightaway. Any and all contributions are graciously welcomed.
Zap being the kind and gentle soul that he is, does not want mere handouts, and has advised me that any and all contributors will be returned, once the Zapster is back in full combat gear, that he fully intends to return any and all such monies to those that have helped him. Susan will be collecting the names of all those who help, such that their monies can be returned to them, along with an autographed picture of a purple pig, which you will get in your email along with a note thanking you for your kind efforts, AND get ready, a coupon for 10% off on all “Purple Pig” memorabilia going forward. And wait till you see that….
Zap has been kinda cookoo over purple pigs and I’m trying to sneak one in for him. In a time of stress, worry, anticipation, high anxiety and fear, Zap has at times provided a guiding light that many have come to find comfort in. We all hope that he, his body and his spirits are all on the mend as we all look forward to the full justice and recompense which will soon be upon the world financially. Something we all continue to pray for.
May God bless you all and your families, during these exciting times,
Silver Surfer -Silver for short…
Please go to...paypal.com...account to send to is: firstname.lastname@example.org ...if
there is a problem please contact the office. ...and Prayers are always received with much appreciation.
Thank you, Susan
WHAT I HAVE NOT SAID LAST WEEK IS THAT WHEN I QUIT SMOKING, A COUPLE DAYS LATER, I GOT A SURPRISE: A HEART ATTACK.
I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS A HEART ATTACK, UNTIL I WENT THROUGH THE CHECKLIST:
LUNGS HURT LIKE HELL
WHOLE RIBCAGE HURTS LIKE HELL
TIGHTNESS IN THE CHEST THAT HURTS LIKE HELL
CAN NOT TAKE A DEEP BREATH OTHERWISE IT HURTS LIKE HELL
DID I MENTION LUNGS HURT LIKE HELL?
THE NICE DOCTORS AT THE HOSPITAL WERE SYMPATHETIC AFTER MY INSURANCE WAS VERIFIED, AND WANTED TO DO AN ANGIOGRAM, THEN AN ANGIOPLASTY. THEY WERE MUMBLING SOMETHING ABOUT SNIPPING SOMETHING OFF BUT I COULD NOT MAKE IT OUT. THEN THEY INJECTED MY BELLY BUTTON OF SOMETHING THEY CALLED “GOOD STUFF” TO THIN MY BLOOD, TRIED 3 TIMES TO PUT IN AN IV (OH YEAH 6. VEINS BRUISED AND HURT LIKE HELL), DID NOT GIVE ME JELL-O, OFFERED LOTS OF MORPHINE, AND CHANGED NURSES ON ME 3 TIMES. THE FIRST ONE WAS NICE. THEY SHOULD HAVE KEPT HER ON ME AS THE SECOND ONE SPILT THE HOT CHOCOLATE (YOU CAN HAVE HOT CHOCOLATE IF YOU HAVE A HEART ATTACK).
THEY REALLY WANTED ME TO DO ALL KINDS OF THINGS, AND SIGN CONSENT FORMS FOR THIS AND THAT, AND I HAPPILY OBLIGED UNTIL THE WITCH DOCTOR CAME INTO THE ROOM AND STARTED DANCING. I RAPIDLY GOT DRESSED IN THE NEXT HOUR, AND THANKED THEM FOR ALL THEIR POKING AND ASSURED THEM I WOULD BE OK. ONE DOCTOR KEPT INSISTING THAT I WOULD DIE IN 30 DAYS OR LESS IF I DID NOT GO ALONG WITH THEIR PROCEDURES (IS THIS A HOSPITAL WARRANTY THING YOU AUTOMATICALLY GET?).
I SAW THE GLEAM IN THE WITCH DOCTOR’S EYE, AND THE DEAD CHICKEN IN ONE HAND, AND PROFUSELY THANKED THEM AGAIN FOR THEIR KIND CONSIDERATION AND LOW MILEAGE WARRANTY.
HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO GET THOSE LITTLE SLIMY POINT-OF-CONTACT ELECTRODES OFF OF YOU? THEY DON’T WANT TO COME OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE. THEY SEEM TO GROW THESE TENDRIL LIKE ROOT THINGS INTO YOUR SKIN AFTER A WHILE, AND THEN TRY GETTING THEM OFF. ONCE YOU DO MANAGE TO GET THEM OFF, YOU HAVE THIS PATCH OF ADHESIVE LEFT ON YOUR SKIN (PRESUMABLY WHERE THE TENDRILS PENETRATED) THAT WILL NOT COME OFF NO MATTER WHAT. THIS IS DAY 6 FOR ME AND THE OUTLINE IS STILL THERE NOT MATTER WHAT I USED: ALCOHOL, PEROXIDE, AJAX, ALCOHOL, GASOLINE, TURPENTINE, MORE ALCOHOL (YOU TAKE IT INTERNALLY AT THIS POINT), BOXES OF KLEENEX, AUTOMOTIVE RAGS, FULLER BRUSHES, SANDPAPER, MORE ALCOHOL, AND THE PESKY THINGS STILL HAVE AN OUTLINE ON YOUR SKIN.
NOW THESE THINGS ARE ABSOLUTELY INSIDIOUS. THEY KNOW HOW TO HIDE. I’M SERIOUS. I FOUND ONE OF THESE ELECTRODE THINGIES STILL ATTACHED AFTER I THOUGHT THEY WERE ALL GONE. IT WAS SLIMY AND UNPLEASANT. I GOT HIM OFF WITH THE LIT END OF A CIGARETTE. DROPPED OFF JUST LIKE A LEECH. NO, I DID NOT SMOKE THE REST OF THE CIGARETTE. I DID QUIT, REMEMBER?
SO, I AM LEECH FREE, I CAN NOT TAKE A DEEP BREATH, MY CHEST HURTS LIKE HELL, AND SLEEP CONSISTS OF 10 SHALLOW BREATHS, THEN BLISS AND SLEEP…THEN 10 MORE QUICK BREATHS, THEN MORE SLEEP. SUCKS.
ANYWAYS, INSTEAD OF AN ANGIOPLASTY, IT WAS BETTER TO DO THE CAYENNE PEPPER THING AND CLEAN OUT THE PIPES. ALCOHOL, CONTRARY TO BELIEF, DOES NOT DO THE JOB, BUT IT WAS FUN TRYING.
THERE WERE OTHER THINGS I DID (THE WITCH DOCTOR GAVE ME HIS CARD), BUT MAYBE NEXT WEEK AS I AM WAITING ON THE NEXT BATCH OF CHICKENS TO ARRIVE. I WILL REPORT ON THIS MORE LATER.
IN REGARD OF THE TRN, WELL, THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY DISAPPOINTING. ALL THE BANKS GOT READY, THEN OBAMA HIT EVERYBODY WITH HIS LAST LITTLE REQUEST. BECAUSE A COUPLE OF MINISTERS ARE STILL NOT SEATED IN IRAQ, AND THE OIL CONTRACT THINGY HAS STILL NOT BEEN RATIFIED, AND OTHER LITTLE DETAILS, HE ASKED THE RV BE PUT TO MIDDLE OF OCTOBER. OH JOY. A COUPLE MORE MONTHS OR RAPE AND PILLAGE LEFT THEN. BUT THE TRN ESCAPES ME…WHY DID THAT NOT GO? NOW THAT I AM SORTA CONSCIOUS AND NOT COMPLETELY BED RIDDEN, I WILL MAKE SOME CALLS AND FIND OUT WHERE WE ARE.
REGARDLESS, I SEE MANY GOOD THINGS BEGINNING NOW APART FROM THE USUAL GOOSE STEPPIN RV FANFARE. THE PROJECT SIDE IS DEFINITELY GOING TO HIT FIRST DESPITE ALL OTHER DELAYS.
WE CAN ANTICIPATE PROJECT SIDE TO START NEXT WEEK I THINK, AND CERTAINLY BEFORE THE END OF THIS MONTH. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE RV, TRN, OR ANY POLITICAL FOOTBALL. THIS IS JUST STUFF THAT WAS DECIDED TO BE DONE TO HELP OUR HUMANITY.
EVERYTHING THAT WE DO IS GEARED FOR PROJECTS ONLY, AND NOT THIS INTERESTING TIME OF THE RV, OR TIME OF THE IQD, OR TIME OF THE TRN. SO THAT IS THE SINGULAR REASON WHY NONE OF THESE THINGS AFFECT US.
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE HELPED DO MY HEALING. APPARENTLY THERE WERE 27 CONTRACTS SUCKING LIFE OUT OF ME. GONE NOW. THESE ASTRAL CRITTERS JUST LOVE TO SUCK. I KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT THEM TO STAY AS FAR AWAY AS I CAN, BUT IF A CRITTER LATCHES ON, HARD TO SHAKE HIM LOOSE SOMETIMES, AND I NEED HELP.
MUCH THANKS AND REST ASSURED THE MERRY BAND OF PIGS SHALL BE FIRST AND FOREMOST IN OUR NEXT DISCUSSIONS. I AM EXPECTING OUR DEAR MASCOT IN TODAY OF COURSE. TAKE A PICTURE? I CAN TRY. (MISS PHIPPS!….CAMERA AND SOME ROPE PLEASE…)
GOD BLESS YOU.
IN LOVE AND LIGHT IN OUR SERVICE
“GOD IS; I AM; WE ARE”
“BE GOOD, BE LEGAL, TELL TRUTH”
September 17, 2014
Copyright ZAP 2014
Love and Kisses,
"THE OFFICE OF POOFNESS'
Susan and Staff